In today’s society, because of corporate distortions, feedback has come to be perceived as something very unpleasant. Let’s unpack the term itself.
It came into the corporate world from physics: any action performed on an object produces feedback, and analyzing that feedback yields information about the object and its properties. In real life it works exactly the same way: any action a person takes (or fails to take) has feedback. Looking at it through the lens of purpose, there are two kinds — positive and corrective.
The purpose of positive feedback is to reinforce the behavior you observe in the other person. Think of how a child’s first steps are encouraged: “Come on, you can do it! One more little step! Good job!”
The purpose of corrective feedback is to change the other person’s behavior. We don’t always influence behavior directly, but we can certainly show how it negatively affects us, the result of the work, or the team.
Three rules of sound feedback
1. Feedback must be specific and sound
It’s specificity that helps you understand what to keep in your behavior and what to change. If all you hear from your manager is “Good job,” you stop understanding what exactly you’re doing well. Clarify which actions earned that assessment.
“You sent the email at just the right time — good job” — a more precise formulation: it identifies the behavior worth continuing.
If all you hear is “Everything’s bad!”, that doesn’t help — it’s unclear what to correct. Clarify: where exactly is it bad?
“You sent the email two hours past the deadline” — now that’s a sound formulation.
2. Feedback addresses behavior, not personal qualities
The phrase “You’re acting strange, you’re really very strange in general” isn’t feedback — it’s a subjective judgment of personality. Clarify: what exactly in my behavior seemed strange?
“When you pause for several minutes before answering a question, it seems strange to me” — better: it describes specific behavior, and the assessment is delivered through an “I-statement.”
3. Feedback is based on facts you observed personally
“Everyone tells me you work badly” is unsound: too many generalizations, no specifics, an assessment based on others’ words. “Masha said you were rude to her” — but what behavior are we talking about? Where did Masha identify rudeness? Why didn’t she say so herself? Remarks like these aren’t feedback but a direct attack that calls for defense.
Ask clarifying questions: what exactly did the other person say, and which of your behaviors was mentioned? Suggest a meeting with whoever’s feedback is being relayed. Your goal isn’t to settle scores but to genuinely understand which behavior had an impact and what needs to be changed or kept.
Balancing the positive and the negative
Balance matters a great deal in feedback. That doesn’t mean you must always give both kinds — it means you can’t go to extremes and focus on only one of them.
Picture two managers: one doesn’t know how to give supportive feedback, the other can’t give corrective feedback.
The assistant of the first manager, who only corrects, will feel lost: “You booked the wrong tickets!”, “The hotel was bad!”, “You don’t know how to make coffee!” Managers like this love to add, “Well, everything else is fine.” But under one-sided criticism, the inner feeling is the same: “everything I do is bad.” A vivid example is the character from the film “The Devil Wears Prada.”
What to do: keep track of what you’re doing well, and ask questions:
- What, in your view, am I doing well?
- Which of my actions work for you?
- What about my behavior should I keep doing?
The assistant of the second manager, who can only praise, feels better — but only until a big, unexpected conflict. If a manager bottles up dissatisfaction instead of voicing it, sooner or later there will be an explosion.
What to do: ask questions that help the manager articulate dissatisfaction tactfully:
- What could I do better, in your opinion?
- What in my actions could be fixed?
- How would you like me to do this?
- What should I change in my behavior?
Unfortunately, we often neither request nor receive sound, timely feedback — and that leads to conflict and misunderstanding. That’s why it’s important to request it ourselves.
How to receive feedback
Getting feedback isn’t the same as accepting it. There are a few rules here too.
- Take it in. Give yourself time to understand what exactly you heard. Don’t rush to make excuses — just hear it.
- Clarify. If you didn’t understand — ask a clarifying question.
- Make a decision. You don’t need to act right away; first decide what you’ll do with this feedback.
Feedback is a gift. You received it, unwrapped it, and inside… it’s not quite what you expected? Thank the giver. What you need — start putting to use. What doesn’t fit — set aside.
Watch for patterns: if several people say the same thing, that’s worth thinking about. Remember: you yourself choose who you want to be. Feedback is a tool that shows you how others perceive you, but the choice of how to act is always yours.
Practice both giving and receiving feedback — and be sure to share your impressions with the people close to you.